CONFESSIONS

Stitcher Premium Episode Info
Sean and Hayes finally admit their big secret.

Episode Synopsis
Hayes is ready. Sean tells the story about when he was swingin’ the sledge with A$AP Ferg, Fergie, A$AP Rocky, Rocky, Rocky Ferguson, Ferguson from Clarissa Explains It All, Aesop Rock, and Aesop (from fables). Adam McKay has perfect pitch for jokes.

In this episode, Hayes and Sean finally talk about the people they have killed. This is why the Pro Version is good, and is a good value. Sean and Hayes did not create the Stitcher app. They know it’s bad but they didn’t make the app. Chef Kevin is the master codebreaker.

Hayes got it in his head at one point that he was the Werewolf. Sean actually was wanna go to Hollywood just to kill a guy, but he got caught in the glitz and the glamour. Chef Kevin killed The Farm. Hayes wanted to be a funny Dracula-type character. Sean kill his acting teacher to death. Chef Kevin wanted to get some hair on his face so he could get some hair on his face. Sean and Hayes have killed many more people and continue to do so. Another How Long Has It Been? Theme is played. Thanks to Colin, PFT, and others. Boo Scott.

Quotes
Hayes: That could also be a competition, where it’s a real train conductor versus a machine conductor...

Sean: That I did say... oh my gosh!

Hayes: To see who’s going fastest.

Sean: I said, “Let’s put one of these self-driving train conductors in there...”

Hayes: Passengers should be like that too. Westworld!

Sean: Oh, Westworld! So many timelines!

Hayes: That could happen in that, and maybe it does.

Sean: I like all the naked butts!

Sean: Stop with the mimosas and start with the master codebreaking. Get our episodes up on time. I can’t bear the idea of some of our fans waiting four hours for a 25-minute show that we did! Please! It’s making me sick! And the fact that they have to individually search it out, I mean, that’s not what they want! All my technology works right all the time! I never am frustrated with it. And if I am, if my HBO GO account doesn’t work, beep boop boop! Hey James Marsden, where’s my shit? Fuckin’ hey, D.B. Benioff, can you get in there and start fuckin’ crankin’ away at the gears? I mean, that’s logical!

Hayes: Yeah. And you might think that that was a mistake, that he was conflating D.B. Weiss and David Benioff? Not a mistake.

Sean: David Benioff’s middle name is Beatrice.